Assertiveness - How to Standup for Yourself

The dictionary defines assertiveness as, "confidently self assured” a fairly good description of what most of us hope to be, confident and self assured. The question always becomes am I assertive? Am I too assertive? Am I assertive to the point of being aggressive? No one wants to be known as aggressive just as they do not want to be known as a push over. The goal is to find that fine line in between too much and too little assertiveness. Balance if you will, so that you know when to let go or when to give a little bit.

The study of assertiveness has a lot to do with how you establish personal boundaries for yourself and for others around you. Most people fall into three categories the first being passive where they let people overcome their personal boundaries. If you are one of these people you probably find yourself saying yes to things you do not want to do or letting others take credit for your work. Most of the time you fall into these traps because you are afraid to speak up for yourself. This sort of behavior leaves you feeling manipulated and abused. If you see yourself as the victim in many scenarios then you might be too passive.

The second type of person falls in that confidently self assured category. You are unlikely to let yourself be manipulated. However, you are also willing to take on extra work when necessary and let others have their way when it is appropriate. This type of person generally feels good about their decisions and in control of their own destiny.

A third type of person is assertive to the point of aggression. If you are unwilling to compromise or let another persons voice be heard you are likely viewed by others as aggressive. You might have a "my way or the highway" perspective on life. It is quite likely that your social circle consists of a few close friends who view you as the big dog and you like it that way. The problem with this personality is that no one person is right all the time. You probably take advantage of and manipulate others without realizing it.

The goal of falling into the middle of the assertiveness scale is that you will be more successful in life and have better personal and work relationships. Being assertive simply means that you know how to express your feelings and how to assert your own rights while still being respectful of another persons rights.

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